by Paula Spencer

Great. My body is sagging where I didn’t even know sagging was possible--both my v..va…vagina and my vulva? I’m not sure which is more discomfiting: learning that gravity has no bounds or feeling blushy whenever I say vagina and vulva out loud. Saying penis, in contrast, has no such baggage. Penis is mainstream. Penis is in the movies, in museums, in all those enlargement and dysfunction ads.

Vagina and vulva, however, are still under wraps (except on certain nights out with Britney). Oh sure, there’s the popularity of The Vagina Monologues. But Eve Ensler’s controversial play is hardly medically enlightening. Similarly, Brazilian bikin waxes have become as routine as nail jobs in some circles. But it’s not like we call them “vulva-labia waxes.” Even on TV’s hip Grey’s Anatomy, a female MD coyly referred to her “va-jay-jay.”

Each of us carries one around every day, yet most women are still not on the most familiar terms with the vagina--much less its nearest., equally useful neighbors, says vulvovaginal specialist Elizabeth Stewart, MD, an assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Harvard Medical School and author of The V Book. “Gyno and sex information are all over the Internet, yet women still don’t know how much can go wrong in the V’s or what to do about it,” Stewart says. And now they’re being bombarded with info about how to spruce up their nether regions with something called vaginal reuvenation.

So what’s up down there?

The good-as-new-notion

I’m in the stirrups at the suburban Phoenix office of Karen Starkey, MD, co-founder of the Laser Vaginal Reuvenation Institute of Arizona. Why? Because she’s one of the latest OB-GYNs to specialize in the ever-growing field of female genital-enhancement surgery--that is, using lasers to reshape the vagina and its surrounding structures.

Unlike most of Starkey’s patients, I don’t have functional problems. I want to better understand what drives a woman to the surgical suite in pursuit of better sex. Enough patients say their vaginas feel “loose” or “stretched out” during intercourse that Starkey is ending her 10-year obstetrics practice to focus on a series of new procedures, the most popular of which is vaginal rejuvenation. Sounds like sending your vagina to a spa, though the reality is a bit more intense: two to five hours of tightening lax musculature and support tissue, and removing excess aginal lining. Oh, and unlike a spa stay, your insurance won’t cover it.

“We talk about painful…